My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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