Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
