please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
