Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
