oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
