yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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