I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
