time to smoke my breakfast
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
50% drunk capacity currently
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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