Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i think i have two assholes
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
