I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
