just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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