Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
