Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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