Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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