you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
