i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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