dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
