i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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