I haven't been this sober since birth.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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