I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
