I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
