The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
