My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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