Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
