It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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