Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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