Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
