All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
