My brain says no but my pants say off.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
high people should be assigned attendants
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
