Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
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