Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
