pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
