I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
