she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
