I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
