I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
