this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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