I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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