I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
