Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
