i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
