your thong is hanging out like whoa
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
