i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
