she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
