Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
It was confusing and full of hummus
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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