I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
