btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
