yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
