The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
