i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
