would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
